Warmth in your touch toxic was your trait

A damaged soul with high walls, touching gods ceiling. I stayed around for the simple fact you gave me this feeling that couldn’t be duplicated. Climbing these walls breaking these barriers but yet never getting to the top.. rivers of patience oceans of love the storms approaching  followed by ghosts from the past of being left behind with Gemini being your sign let’s search for happiness at the bottom of a bottle of wine. Drunk in love with the presence of the stars align above with secluded feelings of being damaged I just needed time for some healing. Complicated was it? mixed thoughts with added emotions no need to go any further when looking back at it over shit ended as a disaster but don’t get me wrong these times together I’ll forever treasurer deeply 

Bringing intimacy physically emotionally mentally as for spiritually. Deep in it for the long journey caressing your body staring into your beauty catching your soul cause there’s no place I rather be 

Then to relive this memory.

             

                             You know what I like 

about you  

You have all the colors 

            Full of  brightness in one 

Coming in solo with no empathy

With being aware on the slightest sympathy riding pushing on the gas 

Inhaling simultaneously 

Being the passenger seat sits empty 

On my own..

Outside looking in the life is dull 

Dreaming on a queen When it can be done on a full..

Pocketful of broke so no ego to stroke 

I’m with peace with sanity. 

A lot in motion much deceiving going on

Nowadays yet we turn the other way living on as if everything okay.  Scrolling along 

Treating life as a filter with the perfect angle caption that.. happiness where you been? I was told you you have to find it within but then again the bigger the sin the larger the grin. It is what it is though tears running down it’s not what I pictured where did I go wrong? Outpouring this soul of mine something like a sad song. It’s crazy how she did me how you know  Andy did woody but no need for a sorry in this story. Unspoken words left unsaid cause whatever it was that we had just know it’s dead. Suffocating while counting my blessings appreciative yet unsatisfied 

For this roller coast life of mine. For the few that are close with rolled up bills hitting a line or two cause inside you know that isn’t you! Came be the same ones you outgrew? My conscious calling but I ain’t listening they say a prayer goes a long way so I try to say one each and everyday pressuring the higher power to answer. Lost with no guidances finding peace in mind with time as I vent with this being the only thing I can afford shit I go crazy if I keep this shit in store. Refuse to fold but I need goals reaching for air with no meaning.. what’s the cost to be lost?

Distant memories of you give me chills

A smile across my face a few dollar bills will do the trick.. ain’t that some shit?

Unfortunately we couldn’t keep the team together..  but Ill keep that forever a few dollars and a dream. Picture that facing in the mirror you being the breadwinner..

Living better doing great 

Besides that time I confused 

A life lesson to a soulmate 

Someone I saw a friend In.. a best friend!

Then again we’re all living in sin

With our past being us just dust in the wind.

To all the places we’ve could of gone 

To the places you have been 

To knowing the facts 

the shit is heart wrenching.

My stomach hurts 

Confused from a heartbreak

Or heartache? 

I say My soul was for the taking 

Looking back at it all 

Wtf was i thinking in believing in something that left me with nothing 

Guess I was numb to the feeling 

Should of listen to my gut

Shit but then again I was looking 

For ways to get up in yours 

Searching for that nut 
We were both stuck in our ways but you had your days 

I was only trying to help but it’s hard 

To do so when you couldn’t even help

Yourself!

No love lost

Said we Cut ties —fuck the cost—

Eat the lies —we on our way 

With no goodbyes questioning on our why’s lighting up to the most high..

How is it with so much going on 

In rotation I still choose to get on snap 

To creep on your location. 

But yet here I am keeping my composure 

Wording my thoughts all together 

Just to have some sorta closure

Cause I swear I was on some 

“teenage fever “

Yea I’ll be a fool on the first 

which is shameful to believe 

I ever get chance to see how playful 

She grew up to be 

Too see that now become A distant memory as you are 

Just a thought of me being in your past 

Guess it’s true when they say nice guys

Finish last as if my heart hanging 

Off a cast - away vibes 

Secluded in my feelings 

On what everything I was hearing 

You had me in someone I believed in 

Just for you to move in and up and leave again..

Blind sided on the idea of you and I

As I Never been the type to give in but 

Catching feelings and flights to places 

We’ve never been where some things I 

Never questioned. 

In time though I’m seeing everything clearer Only to catch a fool in the mirror 

Angry at myself  that I can’t face the fact 

I can’t have what I want back and as 

For this guilt trip is something that I don’t lack.. feeling used and played I was just something to do when there was nothing to do.. even tho you spoke “ I love you “

I don’t  see no Love in you. Should of listened to my friends but I was too blind to comprehend. With “ wasted times “

On repeat by The Weeknd I reflect on in all 

It’s like you hit me with a curveball. I Never seen it coming only a chance to see it go..

From packing  a suitcase on getaway trips 

To having all your shit moving in I still found in my heart to keep it within even after that one on one battle over in Nashville... 1/2

Thoughts are heavy weighted

Mile stone dreams

Happen to be outdated

Order another round

I promise you I’m not faded  

Just the memories that do fade

Hopefully you’re not the type

To throw shade when it’s all said and over

Late night call happen to tell me you coming over

Liquor in your breath drugs running through your veins

Hard to understand what can’t be explain

Can’t point the finger and assume you’re the one to blame

Rightfully so I’m a loser to this game

One in a.m with thought of you on my mind handing me that indescribable feeling having to second guess myself 

Am I dreaming? Me Being hurt a few times 

I couldn’t stop the bleeding but with your presence i get off this natural healing but then again I’m having trouble sleeping with this gut feeling of mine 

Chances are you’re sipping fine wine 

With a dude that probably graduated back in 89’

But I can’t trip off what isn’t mine

Closing my eyes catching visuals in being  just another individual 

Next in line sharing one another’s time 

And attention with fighting voices off in my head as I lay on this bed 

Causing much tension damn was that shit even worth to mention 

Having alcohol involved that passive aggression seems to evolve but we never tend to learn from our lessons feeding me off those words of affection given me no Sense of direction I happened to question myself without help Overwhelmed with emotion I guess that’s just the motion being hidden and not much open I’m  working on being less soft spoken when them arguments get explosive 

Cause nothing says I’m sorry more then a dozen roses. with nothing being given only chosen sitting thinking on this fucked Up unforgiving situation cause the circumstances can hurt us both but it’s you who I’m focus on 

But with words on putting this on pause to see us go from what we are to what we was.......it’s a lost

Don’t get me wrong I rather work on our bond then for it to see it gone but honestly 

The shit is killing me laying with your past that You opened up too 

Just hold on and slow that heart rate 

Look from it from my view 

 I'm willing to understand but feelings cut to deep sooner then we both expected 

So should we end shit now before both of our hearts are affected. Cause all it takes is one drunken night to lose you from my sight so keep it real do me that bet 

Cause lord knows I don’t want to do something that I will regret...

Early Saturday’s 

Paying bills

Making childish moves 

A glass or two to handle my emotions
Light the fire and let my mind at ease
Just another individual with visuals
Trying to find peace
If it wasn't for the inked engraved
I wouldn't think about the diseased
Looking down on me now
I bet you asked yourself how
I would think so
contemplating on the things to let go
But you kept em around didn't know
How to put the shit down
You're perfect Life example
Of how Love can get you killed
And I Hate it
That I have to watch it from this angle
 It's like I'm fighting a battle
I have no chance of winning over
This feeling I have now tell me will it last forever?
With resentment I push to to keep at bay
A conversation with you around
I wouldn't want it any other way
Till the next time
Love you
Happy Fathers Day

Extra baggage hanging around, either you in or you not? Or that shit weighing you down?.. Possibilities are endless going from Good morning's 😘 to how you Been?
When Reality of it is
what we had really wasn't shit.
I Should of known that from the get
when on the first night you let me hit
Followed up the next morning it was great
Not to mention,
For the next couple days we offered and shared one another's time and attention.
Then things start feeling distant
Friends became strangers
What was once mutual started feel-unusual.
6am banging on the door that shit was crucial,
My heart was heavy my lips were sealed but Don't get twisted I'm steps away from my Springfield
Who would of known the outcome if that door had open?
Thinking back on it now I'm steady in motion
" Fall back and keep your distance "
"Save yourself  from being broken "

But..
Yet appreciative for the moments...

Can't recollect the last time I wrote 

but these words are creeping 

Creeping up my throat 

So With The thoughts I care for 

I'll share on paper believing it'll all make

Better sense later..